Want

9:15am
Today was a new beginning.  The sky was grey and I saw god in the puddles of Green-point.  I made my way to the lonely  train and found a mob of people.  Everyone waiting, and yet in this very real moment of being, people seemed distorted, frightened, quiet, wanting.  It occurs to me that perhaps what they are wanting is not a desire of their's at all!  
In fact  people are despondent with the reality that perhaps they don't know what they want.  I think to myself, "what am I doing here?  Do I really want to be here?" "No." There is innately a discomfort that comes with not knowing. I feel it, then again it's not a discomfort that stems from me at all, but from the Lonely train and what it stands for.  The culture that tells me "You want".  So then, I realize "I don't want," because I have all that I need. even if the apartment and the stuff and the phone, go! Awe and there is the root of the problem.  
It comes from the realization that we don't want anything and that's perfectly healthy! We have all that we really want.  How can I say this?  Well because basically I want what you want, and I don't know what you want!  In other words who am I?  I know that I am called a great many things, but at the core I don't really know.    

9:48am
This is a manhattan bound L train, the next stop will be First Ave.  Please stand clear of the closing doors.