ONE

Tomorrow I am going to start in on my new dance film project.  I am very excited and overwhelmed.  Since making Andromeda last year I have come to find a much more efficient way of making dance films.  The truth is I love all the big equipment and the technology that is out there, but for dance it's too much.  Too much in that dance speaks to a current state of being and though it can become more rich with time, it generally doesn't.  I can't tell you how much dance I see from years past that is just tired.  That being said My Andromeda is going to be amazing when it's completed.  I think we got lucking when we made that piece.  The team of people involved were all heart and it really shows in the work thus far.  Okay bed time.
Thoughts for the day...
Some days you do something special and you see the reasons for being, while most days are just building blocks.  Admire the building blocks more than the zenith days.  There are more of them and the more enjoyment you can find in the work the more zenith you'll find in each day:)
love
Magic

FIRE

There was a fire down the street from my house today.  I didn't know that it was happening until my roommate returned home and told me that there was smoke billowing from a warehouse that sits down the block.  No one was hurt, but it was no joke, and it definitely makes me think about paying closer attention to the now.

Hideous day

Today was something hideous and beautiful at the same time. I woke up for class this morning to find my body mind and spirit in chaos.  When I looked outside the sky was full of gloom and I could not get out of bed.  I just watched the seconds turn to minutes on my phone.  All the time to get my things together, slipping away.  Before class there is about 45 minutes to one hour needed to put the body in a place so it's ready to move.  During this time I stretch and roll around in various ways so the body is ready to gain strength rather than maintain it.  Today that was impossible.  Even my walk to the train seemed to happen in slow motion.  To far to go, to little time.  I gave up on morning class for the day, finding a coffee shop to rest my worries.  As the day progressed students canceled on me and fearful thoughts filled my mind.  It was a hideous day.
Then through the troubles on an aimless walk I found my stride.  I guess I just forgot it on the pavement at some point the day before. A great evening followed, and a late night walk through a Brooklyn of my own.   I now lay my head to find dreams worth tomorrow's grief.
Good night world, may your dreams come true so that even on your most hideous days you can find a beautiful peace by day's end.

Rain in

Today I moved as I do most days.  This week marks the beginnings of a new training schedule with my coach Pacho.  He's a wise acrobat and I'm really excited to work with him.  He has me working the grind stone right now.  I'm doing hundreds of handstand and acrobatic excises daily.  I know in a few months time I'll be a serious beast of acrobatic nature.
As I worked through my workout today I really payed with the devision of pain and pleasure.  I worked at slipping into a state where the things asked of me were not painful or pleasant, they just were, like breath.  In this way I think we could all use repetition in our daily life, and in that practice try to find something different than what you think you should find.  Find nothing.  Practice the art of action without possession.  In this way maybe we can feel appreciation.  Make the practice easy, with your mind, as water rains in.  

DREAMY DREAMS

Today I was moaning for the summer heat.  All of this cold weather has me stiff and sniffly.  I suppose I had it coming though, I do live in New York city.  The truth is I really can't complain.  Today especially was fantastic.  I started in on a new venture with an amazing acrobat of today and yesteryear.  It feels nice to be under a wing these days, I feel like my wings are the ones generally spread wide.
I don't mind being shelter, in fact I relish in it, but it is nice to have guidance  from someone down the path.  He's a beautiful man.  He's very cheerful, but exact in his dreams. He's specific and he know a thing or two or three or four...  Today he was tempering my body with consecutive handsprings.  We train in a church of all places, but it's ceilings are a great change from the typical New York studio.  The light especially makes it a relief.  Makes me day dream about the cathedrals of Europe.  

 My children of the Brooklyn Dance House are really coming along.  They give me such life.  For me to teach them I travel four hours a day, but it's so fun I don't mind a bit.  They all hold so much life and warmth.  They don't realize that I'm the one actually learning from them!  All the humor and smiling makes me realize I appear old to them.  What a thought!  I am 6'2", so my size in comparison to them is amusing on it's own.
Good night world.
Dream of distant beaches and beluga whales spouting sounds of wind.
Sounds of possibility for future days.
Days in future places, found from depths below in dreamy dreams.
 

Wu Wei

Today in class I really focused on not being in class, but instead just plain being.  Instead of trying so hard I really focused my energy on letting go.  I focused on not forcing anything, which is what I'd like to think I focus on each day, but today I achieved that more.  It happens when we find more awareness in the moment, which is incredibly tricky considering that the moment you even think about being in the moment, you are not, in the moment!  In the moments you are having difficulty you have to focus and relax, rather than to try harder, which tenses you.  In fact I'm even finding it a bit hard to describe, since even describing the feeling is not the feeling, and so the things I'm saying are near to, but not the state I felt!  I can tell you it has happened to you too.  Because at some point in your life, you as everyone else has undergone something difficult.  It could be a trivial difficulty but it still pulled you into the moment.  Luckily we have these difficult moments to pull us away from our attempts at being.  This is obvious to us, but how many times have I found myself not doing that? too many times to count.
One can work with the or against the nature of a situation, like wood or stone, or yes the human body.  Today my strides were completely with the grain, and I think I'll plan on doing that again tomorrow.
 Oops there I go again thinking!

WuWei (Defined)    1. To always act in accordance of things as they exist.  
                               OR  2. Not to force anything.  

Want

9:15am
Today was a new beginning.  The sky was grey and I saw god in the puddles of Green-point.  I made my way to the lonely  train and found a mob of people.  Everyone waiting, and yet in this very real moment of being, people seemed distorted, frightened, quiet, wanting.  It occurs to me that perhaps what they are wanting is not a desire of their's at all!  
In fact  people are despondent with the reality that perhaps they don't know what they want.  I think to myself, "what am I doing here?  Do I really want to be here?" "No." There is innately a discomfort that comes with not knowing. I feel it, then again it's not a discomfort that stems from me at all, but from the Lonely train and what it stands for.  The culture that tells me "You want".  So then, I realize "I don't want," because I have all that I need. even if the apartment and the stuff and the phone, go! Awe and there is the root of the problem.  
It comes from the realization that we don't want anything and that's perfectly healthy! We have all that we really want.  How can I say this?  Well because basically I want what you want, and I don't know what you want!  In other words who am I?  I know that I am called a great many things, but at the core I don't really know.    

9:48am
This is a manhattan bound L train, the next stop will be First Ave.  Please stand clear of the closing doors.     

Lugano

I have been waiting for many years to see where my mother lived as a teenager.  Yesterday and today I was able to follow through on this when I visited her home in Lugano Switzerland.  I am left speechless, for what I didn't expect was find another piece of myself in a land I'd never seen.  As I walked around the mountainous landscape it felt as though I had done so before.  I saw where she slept, studied, made friends and found love for the first time.  She spent the better part of her adolescent years speaking italian and living away from home.  So much of my history was there.  I could see how she loved Telluride so much.  the two places were very similar.  During my look around her school I had a once in a lifetime encounter... A miracle really!  I met one of her teachers.  He taught her photography.  For the next few hours we traded stories about life and art.  He just kept telling me how beautiful my mother was, how elegant she was.  I couldn't help but cry a little bit.  As I looked around I saw my mother everywhere.  Something about the way people walked, how they were forced to move according to the way the mountains wanted them to move. It was as if I could see the knife that carved my mother into the women she would become.  The grind stone that would sharpen her into the explorer she fashioned herself into.  I could see her face in those I passed and the warmth of her hands when I connected to the people around me.  My mother was very human, she was flawed, and yes she was also elegant.

MVMNT 28

Well it's been a long time since I last blogged, and for good reason I think!  I found a lot amazing reflexion in not posting anything or expressing myself for the past few months.  I've done the same when it comes to my dancing, and film making too.  Last year rebuild myself, so naturally I had to let my old self go.  well I'm back bitches:*) Let the adventures of MAGIC & MVMNT 28 begin!!!