Wu Wei

Today in class I really focused on not being in class, but instead just plain being.  Instead of trying so hard I really focused my energy on letting go.  I focused on not forcing anything, which is what I'd like to think I focus on each day, but today I achieved that more.  It happens when we find more awareness in the moment, which is incredibly tricky considering that the moment you even think about being in the moment, you are not, in the moment!  In the moments you are having difficulty you have to focus and relax, rather than to try harder, which tenses you.  In fact I'm even finding it a bit hard to describe, since even describing the feeling is not the feeling, and so the things I'm saying are near to, but not the state I felt!  I can tell you it has happened to you too.  Because at some point in your life, you as everyone else has undergone something difficult.  It could be a trivial difficulty but it still pulled you into the moment.  Luckily we have these difficult moments to pull us away from our attempts at being.  This is obvious to us, but how many times have I found myself not doing that? too many times to count.
One can work with the or against the nature of a situation, like wood or stone, or yes the human body.  Today my strides were completely with the grain, and I think I'll plan on doing that again tomorrow.
 Oops there I go again thinking!

WuWei (Defined)    1. To always act in accordance of things as they exist.  
                               OR  2. Not to force anything.  

Want

9:15am
Today was a new beginning.  The sky was grey and I saw god in the puddles of Green-point.  I made my way to the lonely  train and found a mob of people.  Everyone waiting, and yet in this very real moment of being, people seemed distorted, frightened, quiet, wanting.  It occurs to me that perhaps what they are wanting is not a desire of their's at all!  
In fact  people are despondent with the reality that perhaps they don't know what they want.  I think to myself, "what am I doing here?  Do I really want to be here?" "No." There is innately a discomfort that comes with not knowing. I feel it, then again it's not a discomfort that stems from me at all, but from the Lonely train and what it stands for.  The culture that tells me "You want".  So then, I realize "I don't want," because I have all that I need. even if the apartment and the stuff and the phone, go! Awe and there is the root of the problem.  
It comes from the realization that we don't want anything and that's perfectly healthy! We have all that we really want.  How can I say this?  Well because basically I want what you want, and I don't know what you want!  In other words who am I?  I know that I am called a great many things, but at the core I don't really know.    

9:48am
This is a manhattan bound L train, the next stop will be First Ave.  Please stand clear of the closing doors.     

Lugano

I have been waiting for many years to see where my mother lived as a teenager.  Yesterday and today I was able to follow through on this when I visited her home in Lugano Switzerland.  I am left speechless, for what I didn't expect was find another piece of myself in a land I'd never seen.  As I walked around the mountainous landscape it felt as though I had done so before.  I saw where she slept, studied, made friends and found love for the first time.  She spent the better part of her adolescent years speaking italian and living away from home.  So much of my history was there.  I could see how she loved Telluride so much.  the two places were very similar.  During my look around her school I had a once in a lifetime encounter... A miracle really!  I met one of her teachers.  He taught her photography.  For the next few hours we traded stories about life and art.  He just kept telling me how beautiful my mother was, how elegant she was.  I couldn't help but cry a little bit.  As I looked around I saw my mother everywhere.  Something about the way people walked, how they were forced to move according to the way the mountains wanted them to move. It was as if I could see the knife that carved my mother into the women she would become.  The grind stone that would sharpen her into the explorer she fashioned herself into.  I could see her face in those I passed and the warmth of her hands when I connected to the people around me.  My mother was very human, she was flawed, and yes she was also elegant.

MVMNT 28

Well it's been a long time since I last blogged, and for good reason I think!  I found a lot amazing reflexion in not posting anything or expressing myself for the past few months.  I've done the same when it comes to my dancing, and film making too.  Last year rebuild myself, so naturally I had to let my old self go.  well I'm back bitches:*) Let the adventures of MAGIC & MVMNT 28 begin!!!
 

PROTEST AGAINST THE RISING TIDE OF CONFORMITY

I look down and see that I am the same as another person.  I see the same swoosh, the same coffee cup, the same telephone, the same ear phones, the same jeans and the same hair cut.  I notice that you and I are the same...  Exactly the same.
But then I look away and I feel a person that is not the same.  I look away and I feel a person that is different.  I see a person that comes from a place of love, in spite of fear.  I see a unique individual that loves difference, someone that isn't afraid of it.  Someone who can acknowledge it and cherish it.  Someone who is honest.
Then I think, why?
Am I the only one?
Am I crazy?
And then I realize, no.  It's just a hard thing to see.  We are evolving.  We are becoming more, better, stronger, faster, more connected...  Less unique, and less individual.
Protest against the rising tide of conformity.  

Lugano

I have been waiting for many years to see where my mother lived as a teenager.  Yesterday and today I was able to follow through on this when I visited her home in Lugano Switzerland.  I am left speechless, for what I didn't expect was to find another piece of myself in a land I'd never seen.  As I walked around the mountainous landscape it felt as though I had done so before.  I saw where she slept, studied, made friends and found love for the first time.  She spent the better part of her adolescent years speaking italian and living away from home at TASIS(the american school in Switzerland).  So much of my history was there.  From here I could see how she loved Telluride so much.  The two places are very similar.  During my look around her school I had a once in a lifetime encounter...  A miracle really!  I met one of her teachers.  He taught her photography.  For the next few hours we traded stories about life and art.  He just kept telling me how beautiful my mother was, how elegant she was.  I couldn't help but cry a little bit.  As I looked around I saw my mother everywhere.  Something about the way people walked, how they were forced to move according to the way the mountains wanted them to move.  It was as if I could see the knife that carved my mother into the woman she would become.  The grind stone that would sharpen her into the explorer she fashioned herself.  I could see her face in those  I passed and the warmth of her hands in those I met.  My mother was very human, she was flawed, and she was beautiful.  She was Lugano, and she was Telluride.  She was an explorer and a mountaineer.  What's left of Fran Distefano Arsentiev will live on in me.  I am now back in Zurich.  Tomorrow I will return to the stage with my colleagues to begin the rest of our performances in Switzerland.  This experience will provide me with a strength I thought died long ago, while my family, and Telluride will keep me humble in my craft as I take new steps as a man.
With love always
Paul Distefano

A long time coming

Well we're in Vienna now!  It's been a whirl wind tour through Germany so far, filled with every emotion you can imagine.  Life on the road in Europe is a dream.  I love moving so swiftly through the old worlds that are now new.  I was walking through Vienna the other day and I realized that at some point in my walk I probably stood on the same ground as Mozart or Johann Sebastian Bach.  This place is filled with so many secrets, but they are coved with a layer of new that strips away human emotion.  Still the old place is around, just harder to see.  If you look close though it pours from the cracks in the stone buildings and streets.  Lately I've been fighting a little cold.  It makes me feel sluggish, and my body doesn't hold any sexiness.  That will pass though.  My movement is by default very big and bold.  I would like to make it more direct and snappy (that's a strange thought).  The work is going well.  I am looking forward to doing more shows....  Ooh, got to go, life is calling
Ciao